Sources have told PoliticsPA that in order to avoid massive tuition hikes on students or widespread faculty layoffs, Penn State administrators plan to cut the football team effective immediately. Legendary coach Joe Paterno is expected to announce his retirement later in the day to coincide with the move.
“Are you happy now, Governor Corbett?” asked a distraught but oddly smug Graham Spanier, PSU’s President. “You said we needed to cut more, and now you got what you wanted. Still think cutting our budget was a good idea??”
It became apparent after seeing the budget proposed by Governor Corbett that cuts state aid to Penn State by over 50% that the school had no choice but to do so according to a Penn State administrator who wished to remain anonymous because the move has not been made official yet.
Unofficial reports indicate that Corbett is a Buckeyes fan.
The University spends almost $20 million annually on expenses for the football team, mostly in the form of full scholarships for most of its players. The University says that the money saved from the football team will allow the University not to have to raise tuition at all on its undergraduate students. However, there may be additional cuts that have to be made and it can be expected that most will come from the athletics department since all Penn State students go to the University for the education and not for anything else.
President Graham Spanier told students in an editorial published earlier this week in the student run on-campus newspaper the Daily Collegian that “Penn State has not contributed to the state’s budget gap. Our appropriation has remained flat in actual dollars over the last decade, while spending in the state budget has grown by 41 percent. The appropriation to state-related institutions has not contributed to the budget deficit that Pennsylvania is facing. Not one penny.”
In case you were wondering, Governor Corbett graduated from Lebanon Valley College, which is private.
Joe Paterno retires with 401 career wins, the most of any coach in Division-1 college football. It is rumored that Ohio State coach Jim Tressel has already begun calling Penn State’s players and recruits to see if they would be interested in transferring to OSU. No word if he was offering free tattoos in Columbus.
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7 Responses
It was a joke – and I’m pretty sure Penn State football MAKES money for the university.
@Stan – A good indicator is the April 1 publication date.
This is totally a joke. The key is the BS about the university spending “almost $20M annually…” Total BS. Not one penny of the university’s (or state allocation’s) funds goes to support any PSU athletic program,much less football – which pretty much totally funds all sports, mens and womens.
Hard to tell if this is just a typical April Fools joke, or some disgruntled Dem gripe over gettng waxed in the last gubernatorial election. Either way….shove it.
and Corbett came back with using an executive order to name Jerry Sandusky Head Coach.
Nobody is safe on April Fools, that’s the point!
If this is an April Fools Joke it is not in good taste!
Let’s go easy on LVC. We’re not too happy about his election either and some of us showed up at the protests to show our solidarity.