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Santorum Blames “Abortion Culture” for Pittsburgh Pirates’ Losing Ways

An “abortion culture” that has “depopulated” the Pittsburgh Pirates’ farm system is responsible for the Steel City team’s nearly two-decades-long playoff drought, former United States Senator and potential 2012 presidential candidate Rick Santorum said on Thursday.

“The Pirates’ farm system, in my opinion, is a flawed design, period.  But having said that, the design would work a lot better if the team had more babies who grow up to be like Barry Bonds or Bobby Bonilla,” Santorum said, referring to the team’s vaunted “Killer B’s” nucleus of the late 1980s and early 1990s.  “Unfortunately, the Pirates didn’t have enough minor leaguers to support losses sustained through free agency, lopsided trades, and retirement.”

Santorum’s comments, made during a neighborhood fish fry in Gravity, Iowa, drew an immediate rebuttal from NARAL Pro-Choice America’s Pennsylvania chapter.  “NARAL Pro-Choice America reaffirms its unwavering support for a pro-choice Pittsburgh – even if that means the Pirates’ ability to choose their draft picks so poorly over the past twenty years.”

The former U.S. Senator has a long history of fusing his social values with his sports and political philosophies.  Last month, he drew cheers during a town hall meeting in Beebeetown when he suggested that the Philadelphia Phillies should avoid having pitcher Ryan “MadDog” Madson face slugger Manny “ManRam” Ramirez.  “It’s baseball, not man on dog, or whatever the case may be,” Santorum said to wild applause.

Such pronouncements, often controversial, have nonetheless earned the admiration of conservative voters who often decide presidential primary contests.

“This is a smart move by Santorum,” said one Republican campaign operative, who requested anonymity because he is a Pirates fan.  “Those comments are part of a very deliberate political strategy on his part: exploit conservative primary voters’ fondness for the optimism and gentility embodied by Ronald Reagan by being as intolerant and antagonistic as possible.”

10 Responses

  1. Unaborted. We’re not the ones joking about abortion here. The pro-life person was. Please get your facts straight.

  2. I feel the love of Jesus Christ coming from Fetus – s/he is truly an excellent example of Jesus’s penchant for name calling and mocking children with developmental disabilities.

  3. I don’t see any of these comments joking about abortion, but I hope Mr. Santorum was. God help him if he was serious!

  4. fetus, you are here because your mother made her choice. all other women deserve the same chance to choose, too.
    santorum’s uterus obsession has not saved one life-it’s just his one-note response to any and evey issue-deigned to get the votes of anti-choice, anti-woman voters.

  5. I guess I’m just lucky that I was born and adopted just before they made it legal to murder helpless infants.

    Glad all you Libtards find it cutesy to joke about abortion; oddly, it’s ALWAYS women and boys who have never experienced infant murder who most ardently advocate it.

    Oh well: it’s only those poor, unwanted, worthless types who murder their infants anyway….

  6. I blame the “abortion culture” for the lack of good presidential candidates!

  7. he has a very unhealthy utereus obsession

    and an inability to speak coherently about actual issues

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