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Redistricting Map to Be Drawn By Experts

Every ten years Pennsylvania’s congressional districts are touched up. Well, it’s time for the state to redraw the lines, and this year, they’re bringing in the professionals.  To reflect the “practicable” district design prescribed in the Constitution, PA lawmakers will instead bring in Mr. Watson’s second grade class to try and stop voter-hungry partisan lawmakers. The team, who recently learned basic shapes, will be led by stand-out geometry student Timmy Reynolds.

Reynolds was astounded at the lawmakers’ creative use of lines. When inspecting geometric gaffes such as Pennsylvania’s twelfth district, Reynolds was quoted saying “that thing looks like a lobster claw!” Reynolds said he also feels that it will be hard to decide which district will be sacrificed: “I don’t think it’s very nice to lose a district.”

The class strategy, Reynolds explained, is simple: draw “boring” lines with as few “zig-zags” as possible: “it won’t be my favorite or most challenging coloring project, but I’m just doing my civic duty.”

Unfortunately, due to budget cuts, the class was not able to complete the project as they could no longer afford crayons. But with state parks opening up for drilling, Mr. Watson felt confident that students would take their talents to the oil fields rather than the classroom. After all, the second graders are far too young to claim unemployment.

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