Citing personal experience, Sen. Unibrow Casey (D-PA) Monday unveiled a package of reforms to curb bullying in schools.

“The time has come for us to stand up for our kids. We need to make sure school is safe, healthy environment for every child no matter their size, shape, sexual orientation… or facial hair. Which is totally off limits because it’s genetic and it’s not like anyone can help it.”

Some of Casey’s colleagues weren’t convinced.

“No one believes that bullying should be tolerated,” said Sen. John Thune (R-SD), “But regardless what Frida Kahlo’s long lost twin brother over there says, it’s not the role of the federal government to intervene.”