Corbett to Privatize Mouth

Corbett mouthIn a move that analysts said was long overdue, Gov. Tom Corbett unveiled plans Monday to privatize the management and operation of his mouth.

“I don’t think there’s anyone who thinks this job can’t be done just as well, if not better, by the private sector,” Corbett said.

He will begin accepting bids next week. Early reports indicate wide interest in the lease, including from Cabot, Chesapeake, Range Resources, and the American Petroleum Institute.

“We estimate the lease will bring in roughly $5 million. Which will help us recoup most of what we spent on that Voter ID ordeal. Then again, it probably won’t even come close,” said Corbett, who went on to free-associate about women’s reproductive issues. Then, with a flash of realization, “See, there I go again, right there.”

“He has the look of a Governor, the hair of a Governor. All that’s been missing is a mouth that can say things that sound like a Governor should say,” said Franklin & Marshall pollster Terry Madonna.

But not everyone is on board.

“This is just another excuse by this Governor to cut the state workforce ,” said AFSCME International Vice President and Council 13 Executive Director Dave Fillman.

The union plan calls for the Governor’s office to hire four pensioned employees to manage his mouth, at an estimated additional annual cost of $750,000.

The move is not unprecedented. Former Gov. Ed Rendell leased his diet to Weight Watchers from 2009 to 2011.

April 1st, 2013 | Posted in Features, Front Page Stories, Top Stories | 3 Comments

3 thoughts on “Corbett to Privatize Mouth”

  1. tommyd says:

    I thought he leased his mouth to Chesapeake some years ago.

  2. Adam says:

    “long overdue” indeed.

  3. Brian says:

    This would be funny if the premise wasn’t so true.

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